To say that I am an open book is simply true. Why do I want to be? Communicating what I am confused about, worried about, am interested in, passionate about, and struggle with helps me process and affirm good thinking and conduct and eliminate bad thinking and conduct by acknowledging it, understanding it, figuring out the best way to deal with it, and confirming or repenting of it.
For reasons of upbringing, I have long struggled with being content. I always want more (money, know-how, security, tools, skills, back-ups), frequently not because I want it for self-gratification or pride, but because I feel as though I must have it to assure worth or security. Ultimately, I have concluded that the drive for worth or security when God in Christ has already provided it in salvation is a flaw in my understanding or trust in God. I am thoroughly convinced that He is able to supply all of my needs, but I am not always thoroughly convinced that He is willing. I related to a brother in Christ* that I was convinced that God would supply my needs because He did during a prolonged period of variable under-employment. But recently I have been cast upon a commission form of employment in need of building clientele. The result is that God has brought me full circle to revisit this issue of trust at a deeper level.
The issue resurfaced as a continuance and intensification of discontent. The Bible commands us to be content (Luke 3:14, Philippians 4:6-8,11-13, I Timothy 6:6-10, Hebrews 13:5-6). As I began to pray about God making me more content with who He is and what He has done and provided, I wondered what part of my discontentment resulted from dissatisfaction and is all dissatisfaction wrong or bad. As I fed my mind with the Word of God and reminders of His provisions past and present, my contentment increased. But I was still not satisfied.
That is the moment when I realized that contentment and satisfaction are not the same thing. It is not OK (i.e. allowable) for me to be discontent as a Christian because that is paramount to complaining to God. And all of the dead bodies in the wilderness should tell you that you don’t want to do that (Hebrews 3:12-19, Numbers 11:1, 14:26-35). Depending on the source of dissatisfaction, it is not necessarily bad. I should not be satisfied with my sinfulness in any form, but I may be dissatisfied with circumstances, even while content. It is possible to be content but not satisfied.
On the subject of money, for example, I can be content with what I have but want more. I want to help people. I want to do projects that will help me and others. I want to own things that will enable me to secure my situation, support my family, help my neighbors, and promote change in my world. The minimum ambition should be to supply for your own needs and that of your family (I Thessalonians 4:10b-12, I Timothy 5:8). It is not wrong to ask for more. Jabez did (I Chronicles 4:10). I do not mean name it and claim it. God is sovereign and knows what is best for me, therefore, I will be and must be content. No, I am saying I may ask because “It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, and He adds no sorrow to it.” (Proverbs 10:22) I may ask because God is a loving Father who knows what I need (Matthew 6:7-8, Philippians 4:19). I may ask because He pours out blessings upon those He loves, who obey Him (Malachi 3:10, Isaiah 30:18, Romans 8:28). I may ask because He is good (Psalm 65). What is for my good is not automatically counter to His glory. Perspective and intention matter. May I be content whether He provides more, the same, or less, but may I also be striving for more of Him, more purity, more resources to enjoy, share, and give glory to God. And if my perspective is wrong, may He show me that too so that I may make progress in sanctification and joy of living.
*As brothers and sisters in Christ often do, he helped me to think through and clarify many of the thoughts that are here.
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